Big Top Crime
by Story's Blade
Summary: The first in my Sam and Max Season 4 series. A carnival is a great place to kill some time. But for Sam and Max, this carnival is connected to a fearsome mafia family who seem to be responsible for crimes all over the town. It's up to their no-holds barred crime fighting style to lock the clown don up before any more harm befalls the city.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Sam and Max where created by Steve Purcell and propery of Telltale games. This was made purely for fun, not for profit.

On the corner of Straight and Narrow, a newly repaired office building stood proud. A lot has happened in a relatively short period of time. Including the lost of one of the Freelance Police. The lovable lagomorph with a jigsaw teeth. But when it seemed lost, a Max from another timeline who lost his own Sam showed up and the Freelance police where born again. If one saw them now a days, you wouldn't even know that anything or anyone has ever been lost.

"Alright, here's the shot." Sam said aiming his large hand cannon out the window of their office, "You have to bounce it off a car hood, off the street lamp, through the rope keeping that safe up, and hit that can on the ledge."

"Bonus points for any extra hits right?" Max asked loading up his gun.

"When has that never been the rules?" Sam asked. "Now, watch and learn little buddy." Sam lowered the barrel of his overly large gun. As the hammer began to cock back the phone in the corner of their office began to ring, drawing the attention of the anthropomorphic duo.

"I got it I got it!" Both cried out beginning to trample each other to the phone. Max jumped for it, but had his ankle grabbed by Sam and dropped to the ground. Max grabbed Sam's leg and sank his zig zagged teeth into the dog's ankle. While it defiantly hurt Sam, his other foot came down on the white rabbit-thing.

"Hello?" Sam asked beating you his partner in their usual battle for the phone. "Oh Commissioner! Uh huh…yes…I gotcha…you don't say…Sweet Mother of Manatee doing the mambo! We're on the case sir!"

"New case Sam?" Max asked still under the unshoed foot.

"Yes, the commissioner believes that a traveling circus in town is connected to a strings of crimes committed in the area. But that's not even the best part."

"They're a front for free to take firearms?"

"No, our old pal the Geek is finally back from college!"

"The Geek? You mean the young child genius who lived in the Sub-Basement and worked as a dry wit to our over the top humor?"

"Well the humor wasn't quite the same back then. What with everyone concerned we would corrupt the youth watching at the time."

"Glad that's changed. I don't know how we would have handled most of our situations without crude and adult humor." Max responded.

"Enough beating on the fourth wall, we got an old friend to catch up with! And after that, a collection of brightly colored of criminals to administer a good old fashioned Freelance Police borderline brutality beat down on!"

"Alright cue the music!" Max exclaimed.

"Hard to do in this format." Sam responded, "We'll have to settle for a line break."

"Fine." Max said with narrowing eyes, "But it better be fancy!"

"You crack me up little buddy."

===Down on the Street===

"You poor thing, what have those two done to you?" A teenage girl asked looking over the DeSoto.

"Hey, hands off the car!" Sam yelled pulling his gun while Max got distracted by something else on the street.

"Whoa, Sam, no need to pull the hand cannon." The girl said turning around raising her hands. The girl in question was about 5'7", had red hair down to her neck, a red headband with a yellow dot on it. She was wearing a jacket with a green body and yellow sleeves, unzipped to show a red top. She had green and yellow sneakers, and deep brown eyes hidden behind green rimmed glasses with a slight chain around it.

"Either you know about us from our stories, or I'm suppose to know you." Sam said.

"How do you not recognize me?" The girl asked, "I spent how long helping you guys."

"Uh…" Sam said drawing a total blank.

"For Pete's sake…it's me! Geek!" The girl said.

"Yeah right!" Max said deciding to focus on the event at hand. "The real Darla Gungenheek was this super annoying little girl."

"He's right, the Geek was a sarcastic genius which served as a counter to our zany over the top humor." Sam added, "And she would have never allowed Max to get away with saying her real name."

"Oh trust me, Max isn't getting…wait, Max?" The girl asked, interrupting her rolling up of a sleeve with a blink of disbelief. 'Geek' took off her glasses and rubbed her eyes, as if they weren't working right.

"Geek!" Sam and Max cried out at the same time, catching the girl in a sudden group hug.

"You really have grown up, I didn't recognize you!" Sam said, "But once you took off those glasses, and where willing to murder Max over your real name, it had to be you!"

"I just don't get it, how do you look so different? I mean, you have boobs now!" Max bluntly pointed out.

"Uh, I'll explain later." Geek said dodging a situation she clearly didn't want to be in.

"Now why where you inspecting the DeSoto?" Sam asked.

"Why was I inspecting it?" Geek asked in disbelief, "I must have spent days repairing this thing before I went off to college! And look what you guys all did while I was away. The hood is almost falling off from repeated crashes; the front bumper looks like someone drove through a brick wall, the trunk is covered with the tackiest decals I've ever seen, you way overdid it with the flames, the shocks look like they've been through several ramp jumps, and let's talk about how the siding and dashboard look like there where how many things put on it and pulled off with your bare hands! But I have to admit, the siren is a nice touch."

"Wow, didn't realize we've left so many marks on the DeSoto." Sam asked.

"Well I'm not even done looking over it." Geek said, "Let's see about the air conditioner." Geek turned on the air conditioner, only for a demonic roar echoed through the car before it began to shake and jump. Sam quickly grabbed Max and tossed him into the car allowing Max to turn off the air conditioner.

"What was that?" Geek asked clearly shocked.

"Sam did it!" Max quickly shouted.

"Yeah, at one point while we were dealing with traveling through time in a flying sombrero, the DeSoto died. Due to all of our hit and runs, its soul was sent to hell."

"We brought it back to life, but it came back shuttling an evil demon soul." Max said.

"But as long as we don't use the air conditioner it doesn't act up."

"Man, you guys had one hell of a time while I was gone." Geek responded. "I mean, there was that one moment…kind of couldn't believe I was seeing Max in front of me."

"Oh I'm not the original Max." Max said, "I'm actually a Max from another timeline where Sam got the crazy powers and went all giant monster. Using my powers as president I had to order a massive nuclear strike on him and blow him up. It was horrible." Despite that, the wicked grin never left Max's face. Geek was visibly taken aback by the gesture.

"So…what have you been up to?" Sam asked.

"Oh, you wouldn't believe what I've all been through." Geek said, "Been working on a few inventions, such as my hypnosis re-direction helmet, remote microphone disruptor, a non-lethal paint gun loaded with blood colored pellets, a handheld anti-stone sonic cannon, virtual reality hack tool, anti-sentient space bacteria soap, demon detector, volcano sealant, automatic soul return, DNA Mutation corrector, and my banishment ritual in a box."

"You have no idea how much we needed those!" Max said.

"I thought something connected to you guys was happening when my roommate started saying "I'm Hugh Bliss" and when zombies started walking around." Geek said, "But a quick beat down took care of my roommate and those zombies didn't dare come anywhere near my zombie repellent."

"Wow, and here I thought Bosco was over prepared." Sam said.

"Then of course there was my paper on the connection between psychic powers and the elder gods." Geek said, remembering again what each of them went through. "Sorry, let's not bring this up."

"Anyway, do you need some help moving back into the Sub-Basement of Solitude?" Sam asked.

"Yeah, because Sam would be more than happy to help."

"Just one thing though. The street and our building underwent some repair and construction. So the entrance had to be taken out." Sam brought up

"You're kidding right?" Geek asked, "How am I suppose to get to the Sub-Basement of Solitude? In case you forgot, I lived there!"

"Relax, using a combination of budget balancing and thinly veiled threats, we where able to get them to install a new entrance." Max pointed out. "It's right this way."

"Actually it's this way." Sam said leading the correct direction. In the small alley between the rentable space and the office, there was a loose brick that Sam pushed in opening the wall. Inside it seemed like a normal elevator.

"This is the new entrance?" Geek asked getting inside, followed shortly by both of the freelance police.

"Well we made a few changes." Sam said before a large spring fired down from the top and shot the elevator down at incredibly high speeds.

==Sub-Basement of Solitude==

The elevator came to a crashing a stop in the underground caverns beneath the office of the Freelance Police.

"Glad to see that hasn't changed all that much." Geek said stepping off the elevator, "Ugh, what happened to this place? Didn't you guys maintain it while I was gone?" The Sub-Basement of Solitude was shown to suffer from disaster from the negligence. Cobwebs have been spun on almost every crevices, dust had built up to almost blanket-like levels, and the machines haven't been so much as touched the whole time.

"We kind of forgot it even existed for awhile." Max bluntly confessed.

"Then care to explain this?" Geek said finding a large hole in one of the former cavern walls.

"Oh that." Sam said, "That probably came from Skun-Ka'pe attacked and we sucked his shiny evil gorilla behind into a pocket dimension."

"Then how about explain this?" Geek asked seeing a skeleton resembling a two legged dog with his hands around the skeleton of a rabbit-like creature. Also bipedal.

"Oh that. We found that not to long ago." Max said, "That's the skeleton remains of Sam and mine's great-grandfathers."

"We've been so busy lately we forgot about them. We really should give them a proper burial."

"Or at least get them out of my lab!" Geek shouted.

"Sorry Geek, guess we kind of let you down a bit." Sam said, "We really did mean to help out."

"Truth is I was expecting this." Geek said, "I mean, you guys have a habit of getting distracted. Plus I guess your cases are a bit more serious than dealing with my junk." Geek dusted off the keyboard of her computer and turned it on. "Ugh, updates, install those later." After a few keyboard strokes a small robot popped out with a series of vacuums and dusters on it. "Little something I threw together in case you guys forgot to clean the lab. Will take some time, but nothing it can't deal with."

"Well great. Hope you don't mind but we have a case to deal with." Sam said, "It involves a traveling circus, mysterious crimes, and a possible connection to a potential crime family."

"Wow, that sounds great. Mind if I tag along?" Geek asked.

"Wait, what?" Max asked.

"Well I'm always down here, helping you guys from behind the scenes. It gets a little boring." Geek responded, "Plus, I was away at college, unable to do anything. So, I want to taste the front lines for a change."

"You sure you want to do that?" Sam asked, "A lot of our adventures are at their core us picking up random objects engaging people in pointless conversation."

"Yeah, but it's gotta be better than just sitting here watching a robot cleaning up the lab you guys where suppose to be taking care of."

"Guess when you put it that way," Sam said, "Be glad to have you with us."

"At least until this case is over." Max pointed out.

"So once again, let's go, there's a traveling circus full of criminals that requires our tried and true vigilante justice system to take them down!"


	2. Chapter 2

Returning to the primary street from the Sub-Basement of Solitude, Sam, Max, and the Geek emerged back into the sunlight.

"Alright, what typically is the first thing you two do after you get your stuff from me?" Geek asked, "Or really I guess how you start a case at all. Sorry, still getting used to being back in this."

"Well, usually we see what we can get from Bosco or see whatever career Sybil has settled on for the time." Sam explained

"You'd be amazed at how frequently both those things come in handy." Max pointed out.

"So which should we check first?" Geek asked.

"I vote we check in with Sybil last." Max said, "I kind of want to hold off seeing that creepy half statue spawn of hers."

"Half-statue spawn?" Geek asked confused.

"Somehow despite all science and probability, Sybil somehow had a child with the animated statue of the Abraham Lincoln memorial."

"Which of course I managed to beat in an election for president." Max butted in.

"That isn't relevant at all Max." Sam reminded him.

"I know; I just love bringing it up." Max said, "Especially the part when I destroy him with a hidden nuke stash."

"Wow, things have defiantly gotten weirder since I left." Geek said half confused by the back and forth between the Freelance Police.

"Well Geek, truth is we had to sort of make ourselves a little more appropriate when around you way back when." Sam confessed, "The Commissioner made it very clear that the penalty for scaring your childhood innocence would being fired"

"Out of a cannon, into the Atlantic Ocean, skimmed out of the ocean, shot, and then would be fired at our funeral." Max added on. "I love saying that part."

"A lot more than I'd imagine you'd love going through it." Geek sarcastically pointed out, "As for my innocence, it was kind of messed up before I even met you guys."

"Wouldn't have noticed." Sam said, "Now, let's see what Bosco has for us."

Bosco's Inconvenience

With a chime, they walked into the store. The bunker-like look has been replaced with a traditional convenience store front. A bald man with an irregular skin tone was standing behind the counter.

"Sam! Max!" Bosco said, "It's been too long. No one's been buying any BoscoTech from my store."

"Really? With Mama Bosco working on your technology, I thought it would be flying off the shelves." Sam said.

"With some of your stuff I assumed literally." Max pointed out.

"Oh they are." Bosco said, "Problem is everyone's buying my mama's goods and no one wants my certified BoscoTech inventions anymore."

"So you must be the guy who was providing Sam and Max with gadgets while I was away?" Geek said finally getting a word in. "Gotta say, over simplification aside, some of those creations aren't horrible. I mean, high speed onion launcher, seemingly infinite helium balloon, English speaking cockroach, vodka with an implausible level of alcohol, and a satellite re-entry remote."

"You forgot about my BoscoTech biological weapon."

"You mean snot." Geek said.

"But my newest invention will erase all of that." Bosco said. "My patented BoscoTech anti-disguise formula and application system."

"Bosco!" A female voice said as the likeness of Mama Bosco appeared on a TV Screen next to the counter, "Bosco, I know you aren't trying to sell your inventions under the BoscoTech name."

"Mama, we reached an agreement and you know it. I can sell my stuff out of my store." Bosco said.

"Sam, Max, didn't notice you there." Mama Bosco said. "Sorry I can't be there in person. I'm down in the lab working on some of the more serious elements of BoscoTech. I've been trying to keep my son from scamming you guys with his inventions lately, even if it's just contributing in some way to them. Bosco, show them your Anti-Disguise formula application system."

"Alright, but I am not gonna be responsible for any stolen goods." Bosco said pulling a bottle of seltzer out from under the front counter with the BoscoTech label on it.

"That's a bottle of seltzer." Geek said.

"A normal bottle of seltzer doesn't cost $1,000,000." He said, "But trust me, it works. Spray this on someone, and any disguise they have painted on their face will melt right off."

"Mostly because I added a special unbonding chemical to the mixture dissolving most oils and plastics." Mama Bosco said from the monitor.

"But still, $1,000,000?" Geek asked, "How can you justify charging that?"

"Past experience." Bosco said. "I can charge most anything and these two fools will pay it."

"They really can't be that stupid." Geek said casting a side glance at the freelance police duo, "Okay, they could be."

"We'll be back Bosco. Once we have the money needed to buy that seltzer." Sam said.

"You have got to be kidding me." Geek said. The trio left the convenience store ignoring the protests of the Geek about the overcharge on the item.

"Man I can't believe we have to see Sybil now." Max said, "Ugh, that stupid freak show child is gonna haunt my dreams. And there's enough weird stuff in my head already."

"Shut up Chowder head." Sam said, "I'm sure it can't be too horrible."

"Oh we'll see; I'm telling you it'll be a total freak show."

Sybil's Office…

As per usual for Sybil, she has once again found a new job, with a fresh new sign in her window. Apparently this time, she fell into the career path of a Talent Agent. Inside, Sybil sat at her desk in her usual spot, with a baby cradle close by.

"Sam, Max. Great to see you. Did you come to see little Abigale?" The constant career hopper asked.

"Prefer not to." Max said flatly.

"Shut up chowder head." Sam said, "Truth is we're on a case, but since we're here, I can't think of a reason not to."

"Except that I just ate." Max said.

"You mind letting this drop already Max?" Geek said.

"I'm sorry, have we met?" Sybil asked.

"no sorry, I hate my real name, so by all means call me 'Geek'." Geek responded, "I go way back with these two knuckleheads. Used to be the one who provided them all their tech and gear."

"Interesting. I don't think they've ever mentioned you before." Sybil brought up.

"Well Max is all short turn memory so he barely remembered her. And me, something caused my brain to add on extra dimensions causing it hard to recall a lot from long time ago in casual conversation."

"It also forces him to explain things in long detail like some idiot at a keyboard was making him do it."

"Max stop talking nonsense." Sybil said.

"So this is yours and the Abraham Lincoln Memorial's daughter?" Geek asked checking in the baby cradle.

"Yup, that's our little Abigale." Sybil said. "We both thought it was a really pretty name."

"Naming Abe child's Abe. Who would have thought that being a giant memorial would give you a massive ego?" Max asked.

"Where you trying to be sarcastic?" Sam asked.

"I can't tell anymore." Max said looking into the cradle as well. "Huh, a lot less gross then I expected." Said child seemed far more human than the offspring of a human and a giant motorized statue should have been. She looked perfectly human in size, it's skin perfectly flat with the occasional freckle like that found in marble across it.

"What where you guys expecting?" Sybil asked slightly annoyed.

"Well, I mean, it's like this" Sam tried to form the coherent sentence.

"We were expecting some kind of freaky half statue thing with like half of its face being stone and the other half being flesh or something." Max said demonstrating his complete lack of social awareness to get a point across.

"In their defense, this kind of thing shouldn't be possible, so they can't really be penalized for failing to guess the end results." Geek said quickly coming to their aid.

"I suppose you have a point. Where were you for all their other bad decisions?" Sable asked.

"College."

"Didn't think these two knew anyone smart enough for that. Aside from me of course."

"Hey Sybil?" Sam asked interrupting the conversation, "What's with the box of staplers?"

"Oh those? Some guy left them here. They were part of his act, the juggling accountant. He juggled supplies while doing someone's taxes."

"Wow that sounds like a great potential for self-harm." Max added.

"I wish, maybe then I could have got him something. No, biggest mistake he made was using the wrong form."

"Mind if I take one?"

"By all means." Sam grabbed one of the staplers and slipped it into his pocket.

"How did you do that Sam?" Geek asked.

"Never quite figured it out, but somehow my pockets can contain anything, like an infinite void."

"Makes about as much since as anything else with you two." Geek said crossing her arms. "But why are you taking it?"

"Never underestimate the usefulness of everyday random objects." Sam answered.

"So, we going after that circus yet?"

"Not quite yet, I want to swing by the office again. Forgot to search it for things we might need." Sam responded.

"I don't remember you guys doing so much bouncing around to do things like this."

"Yeah, you've been around more for our straight forward cases. Me and Sam do stuff like this all the time." Max piped up. Once the trio made it up to the office, Geek was the first to speak.

"This has been bothering me for a while now." Geek said, "Is it my imagination, or are we better detailed then we were in the past?"

"I think it has to do with a better budget and improved technology." Sam explained.

"And not having to play anything safer so soccer moms don't get their underwear in a bunch." Max added being Max.

"This could come in handy." Sam said grabbing a ruler off his desk.

"Who did he say that for?" Geek asked silently to Max.

"I have no idea, does it all the time." Max answered, nowhere near a whisper. Sam continued to give a quick overview of the office, even looking into the trophy closet. Inside it was a shaved off afro, a creepy looking teddy bear, a bandit themed slot machine, the severed head of a president puppet, VR glasses, a jar of liquid label 'Bliss', a small doll with boxing gloves and half of its hair missing, a mauled surf board, a pack of garlic cigarettes, an AI core off a space ship, some kind of black cake with white goop on it with fish sticks sticking out of it, and a large block of granite.

"What in the world is all in there?" Geek asked.

"Me and Max keep a souvenir from every case we solve. I like looking at them before we properly start a case." Sam responded.

"You guys never took souvenirs."

"We started back in 2006. Makes for great Easter eggs." Max added.

"If there's one thing I learned it's never question you two." Geek said, "So, we finally ready to hit this carnival?"

"Hm…yup I think we got everything we need. Come on." The group went back down to the street and got into the Desoto.

"I see you never bothered to install something like seatbelts."

"We talked about it, but it wasn't worth it. Especially when we had to work out of the car while the office was being renovated." Sam said starting up the engine. With a roar, the car shot off, swerving onto the road and shooting down it to their destination.


	3. Chapter 3

With the scream of carnival goers, and the thud of the DeSoto running over a random trash can. Sam, Max, and Geek left their vehicle.

"Have you always been such a bad driver?" Geek asked almost as soon her feet hit the ground.

"Most people don't care." Sam answered looking down seeing himself stepping in an old banana peel. Shrugging, Sam added the discarded fruit exterior to the contents in his pockets.

"Really Sam? Picking up garbage?" Geek asked.

"It helped us out a lot once." Sam responded. "And it was a banana peel then too." Geek simply facepalmed and shook her head.

"Alright, I trust you guys. At least as much as I ever did." Inside the grounds of the carnival there was a small midway set up. There were only three games being attended at the time. A shooting game that had ducks being moved along a conveyer belt, a classic hammer game to attempt to ring a bell on top of a post, and a game to toss balls into buckets. The first place the Freelance trio visited however, was the prize tent.

"Magic Key to unlock everything?" Max asked confused seeing a golden skeleton key being hung from a kind of chain.

"Oh that." The clown behind the counter said, "That's the grand prize of the day. The key can open any lock, we're 100% honest about that." The clown's tone was bored and uninterested.

"What do we have to do to get it?" Sam asked.

"Just win all the operating games during the day the prize is offered."

"Then that's what we'll do!" Sam declared.

"Guy's it's a cheap carnival prize." Geek said. "I don't think it really works."

"Yeah but it's something to add to our inventory. Therefore, it's worth getting." Geek just stared in confusion before deciding it was best to just go along with whatever was happening. Before the trio could even start at any of the three games, Max noticed something off in the background.

"Sam, is that what I think it is?" Max asked.

"I do believe it is old chum." Sam answered. Said item was an orange cone-shaped attraction, bright orange in color with a sign near it with three mere words upon it. _Cone of Tragedy_.

"I don't believe it, I haven't' seen that ride in 14 years!" Max gushed.

"The Cone of Tragedy? Didn't that ride get shut down for being dangerous beyond all reason?" Geek asked.

"Don't be a spoilsport Geek." Max complained, "Come on Sam, we gotta ride it again!"

"What about the feeling of emptiness and lost that comes with riding it?"

"I always feel like that. So, come on let's go!" Max all be pleaded.

"Alright, come on Geek." Sam said, "It's really not that bad."

"All I know is if I die, I'm haunting you guys." Geek said as the trio headed out for the ride.

Once the trio was at the base of the large orange pike sticking out of the ground, they ran into a somewhat overweight man with thinning and greying hair.

"Wait, you guys actually want to ride this thing?" the man asked, "You know it hasn't been serviced in just years right?"

"Look buddy, you already made the sale, so less talky more ridey." Max crudely put.

"Alright. Strap yourselves in and I'll turn it on." The man said. The trio eagerly, well two of them eager, strapped their ankles to the orange cone. Various swiss-army knife appendages popped out of the back before pulling back in. The cone began to spin, faster and faster leaving the trio as a blur around it.

"I'M TOTALLY GONNA THROW UP!" Max happily cheered.

"Not while I'm hooked up to this thing!" Geek snapped back. The cone began to buck around wildly, slamming the three around until the cone eventually came to a stop, with Sam, Max, and Geek stumbled back to the man.

"I feel so empty inside, with an over whelming sense of loss." Max said, "God I love this ride!"

"Ugh…I feel like I lost my innocence for a second time." Geek commented.

"Ah crud, all my stuff is gone again." Sam said, "Well if this is like last time, it's probably in a lost and found by now. But first, hey guy!" Sam called out to the ride worker, "All our stuff is gone!"

"Oh, yeah that happens from time to time." He said, "here's a claims ticket, go to the lost and found, your stuff is sure to be there. Now let me get back to my nap." Sam took the ticket and left the carnie to sleep at the wheel of a highly dangerous ride.

The group then hit the lost and found box, turning in the ticket allowing him to claim back his gun, stapler, banana peel, and ruler. "Hey you left something in there." The lost and found worker said. He was an overweight man, fully bald, and gave off a foul order.

"Hm, nope it seems that this is all my stuff." Sam said.

"Yeah exactly. All the stuff in the box was yours. But you didn't grab this." He said holding up an ancient looking corndog.

"But that's not ours." Sam responded.

"But everything else in the box is."

"Just take it Sam." Geek said, "I don't really want to be around this guy."

"I could always beat him to death with that corndog." Max chimed in.

"Not necessary little buddy." Sam said. "I'll take it. It might be helpful."

"Good, now get out of here." He said handing Sam the ancient food product. He went back to reading a paper, ignoring the group.

"Alright, now it's time to win some games." Sam said.

"Wouldn't it be better to actually do some investigating?" Geek asked.

"Nah that happens later." Max replied. "So which game do we do first? The Hammer? The ball throw? Oh, I know! The violent shooting!"

"The hammer sounds like the best place to start." Sam said heading for a large pole with a bell at the top. Much like at the prize booth, an annoyed clown sat by it. In fact, it was the same clown that was previously at the prize booth. "Step right up, ring the bell and win a prize ticket. Three prize tickets earn you today's top prize."

"Wait, aren't you the same carnie working the prize booth?" Sam asked.

"I am a certified graduate of the McChuckles School of the Clowning Arts. I am a clown not a carnie." The clown said annoyed, "But yeah, we're a little understaffed so I run all the games and the prize booth. I can also make balloon animals if you want."

"Ooh ooh! I'll take a flesh eating bacteria!" Max happily chirped up.

"I have to be at the balloon booth idiot." The clown said, "Now, do you think you have what it takes to win the game? Step on up and take a swing."

"No problem." Sam said grabbing the hammer. With several groans, huffs, and strains, Sam was barely able to move the hammer.

"Alright, you had your chance. You lose." The clown said.

"But I didn't even try yet." Sam responded.

"Doesn't matter, we can't wait forever for you to swing the mallet." The clown explained disinterested.

"No one could lift that!" Sam responded.

"Sure, they could. Hey Paulie!" The clown shouted out, "Get over her and swing the hammer!" Nearby a large muscular man in a leotard stepped away from an incredibly fat man in an ill-fitting tank top and bathrobe with a rope wrapped around him connected to a pully system.

"You think we rig the game huh?" The strong man, named Paulie, said, "Well look here tiny many. It's perfectly capable of winning." Paulie grabbed the hammer and easily lifted it and smashed it down, sending the weight up the poll to ring the bell.

"There? See the game is winnable." The bored clown said.

"See, I don't recall anyone bringing up the game being rigged until you did." Geek said.

"Don't worry Geek we deal with people like him all the time. It just takes a little creative planning to get around him."

"Yeah…creative planning…" Max said with an evil grin pulling out his gun.

"Not quit that creative yet Max." Sam responded.

"We never resort to this." Max pouted. Or at least the best he could.

"You guys are a lot more violent." Geek said, "So Sam what's your plan?"

"Watch and learn Geek." Sam responded taking out his banana peel and throwing it on the ground. "Excuse me, can you show me that the game isn't rigged again?"

The clown gave an annoyed sigh. "Fine. Hey Paulie! He needs another demonstration!"

"Fine." The strongman said walking over and grabbing the large mallet. This time however, when he stepped up to swing, his foot fell on the banana peel and sent him flying up and onto his butt. Meanwhile, his mallet flew up into the air and landed next to a large crate of inflatable mallets.

"Geez Paulie you okay?" The clown asked.

"Yeah yeah I'm fine." He said.

"Good, then just grab the mallet and win the game." Paulie rolled his eyes. He got himself back to the feet and grabbed a mallet. But this wasn't the proper mallet, rather one of the inflatable ones. He brought it down with a faint squeak and once again the weight flew up and hit the bell. Paulie put the easily liftable mallet down and went back to his position by the fat man.

"Clever." Geek commented.

"I try to be." Sam said, "Now, for that prize." Sam grabbed the easily liftable mallet and easily swung it down sending the weight up the shaft and hit the bell.

"Well…I guess we have a winner." The clown said legitimately surprised. "So, I guess you get this, a prize voucher. One prize voucher won't earn you much, but 2 more and you win today's Grand Prize."

"Now can we do the shooting?" Max begged like an over eager child.

"Alright Chowder head. We'll do the shooting game."

The trio went to the shooting game. It was pretty basic, several yellow duck cut outs being carried along on a conveyer belt. As if by magic, the same clown carnie popped up from behind this attraction's bench as well. Before Sam could even draw his gun, Max already pulled the Lugermorph out and emptied multiple shot into the game. Despite Max's trigger happy nature, not a single shot landed.

"Okay, I have NEVER been this bad of a shot." Max complained. "I KNOW one hit."

"Sorry. Unless the ducks fall, I can't award you a prize."

"But I saw, those things changed direction and speed every time he fired a shot!" Geek protested, "Which given how he was shooting was pretty amazing."

"Can you prove it? No." He responded, "Now stop bothering me."

"I guess we're cheating this cheater game too Sam?" Geek asked.

"Of course, Max, feel free to keep shooting, me and Geek will try to 'fix' their fix."

"I stopped listening after "keep shooting"." Max said with his trademark psycho grin. "Alright clown boy, keep the machine going. I'm not leaving until that's a dead duck!"

"This is why I should have started charging for games." The clown said as Max let another hailstorm of bullets fly. While Max and the carnie where properly distracted, Sam and Geek sneaked around the tent.

"So that's how it's kept so erratic." Sam said. Hidden behind the attraction was the rest of the conveyer belt, attached to a control panel that was being operated by a strung out looking monkey with several cigarettes sticking in its mouth.

"Not to mention it seems like they don't even have hinges on these ducks. Good thing Max is using an actual firearm otherwise he'd never get rid of one of these things."

"Hm…" Sam said seeing an exposed area of gears at a turn in the conveyer belt. "Geek, you're about to see the beauty that comes from picking up random items." Sam drew the ancient corndog from his pocket like a noble knight drawing a sword from its scabbard. With one swift motion, he swung the corndog into the gears. The fossilized pork product froze up the gears, halting the conveyer belt in its tracks. With the targets now stationary, the sound of Max's bullets and splintering wood filled the air. Sam and Geek returned to Max's side as the clown came up from behind the safety of his counter.

"So, is the duck dead enough yet?" Max asked.

"As much as I'd love to say no, I guess the pieces of the duck are knocked over." The clown said, "So I guess I don't have much of a choice. But you reap this kind of destruction again, I'm not giving you another prize voucher."

"Yes!" Sam happily shouted, "Two down just one to go."

"Yeah but it's the boring one. No violence." Max said.

"well I think it's safe to say that Max's bloodlust has only gone up." Geek said, "And no matter what you think, we have to win this one."

"She's right Max. We're just one prize ticket from the grand prize." Sam said going to the final game. Unsurprising, the same clown carnie appeared behind the counter.

"Alright, you three think your hot stuff? Let's see you win this one." He said, "It's real simple, toss a ball into a bucket. Of course, if it bounces out it doesn't count."

"Easy as pie." Sam said picking up a ball and throwing it directly at a bucket. The bucket seemed to move a bit, before it snapped back tossing the ball back out. "Somehow I knew that was going to happen."

"Well better luck next time." The clown said as Sam, Max, and Geek walked away. Of course instead of walking directly away, they walked around the booth.

"This is hardly even clever." Geek said seeing the way the game was set up. The baskets where set up on high sensitivity springs. The lightest touch would bounce the baskets making it impossible for the ball to ever stay put in them.

"I don't know, I wouldn't have guessed it." Max piped up.

"Until now I'm not sure you believed these games where even rigged." Sam flatly said, "Now, go distract the clown. No doubt he's caught on to the fact we're fixing their fixes."

"Got it." Max said with a thumb up before jumping onto the counter. "Hey, clown freak, I now present you the single most distracting dance in the world." Max took a deep breath and started shaking "Ooga ooga ooga oooga!" He then switches to leaning over sticking his butt in the clown's face before shaking it and resuming his chant.

"I don't know if I would call THAT distracting…more disgusting." Geek commented.

"Believe me, with Max, it's a very fine line." Sam added turning his attention to the buckets, he pushed down on one, making the spring compress before pulling out the stapler from Sybil's office. After a few powerful hits, staples where left inside the spring, making it difficult for it to uncompress. Sam returned to the counter allowing the clown looking back at him.

"Um…he belongs to you right?" The clown asked, "Please get rid of him."

"Max down." Sam said. Max gave an annoyed growl before jumping down off the counter. "Alright, time to do this one again." Sam grabbed another ball and tossed it. While the spring groaned a bit, it wasn't able to uncoil, allowing the ball to stay inside in.

"What? This is just…I don't see how this could be!" The clown sputtered. "Winning one game, that's a fluke in the system, 2 is just dumb luck, but 3…you gotta be cheating!"

"I would like to see you guys prove it." Geek said, "Unless you're willing to admit cheating yourself. I'm sure people would love hearing how much of this is designed to just strip money from people." The clown seemed nervous at hearing this.

"Not good…if the Clownfather hears that I cost us some profits for a cheap plastic key, he'll serve me my shoes on a platter." He turned back to the trio. "Alright, fine, here's the last ticket. Rules say you have to exchanged them at the prize booth."

"You guys heard him say the whole 'cheap plastic key' right?" Geek asked.

"Yeah but you never know. Didn't you see what I did with the corndog?" Sam answered as they walked over to the prize booth. "Behold, three prize tickets! Now hand over the prize."

"Yeah yeah. Look, let no one know you won it. Don't want the Clownfather coming down on me."

"We will, but first, tell us where we can find this Clownfather." Sam said.

"No, that I can't do."

"Want a repeat of the duck?" Max threatened.

"Alright alright! I'll talk!" The clown quickly back peddled before pointing at the tent with the large fat man and the strong man, "I don't know if he's still there, but he usually hangs out in the big top. Of course, good luck getting past our security."

"Leave that to me." Max said with his typically psychotic grin. Max ran at the fat man, only to be uppercutted away by Paulie the Strongman.

"Didn't work to well that Max?" Geek asked as she and Sam approached the lagomorph. "Here, let me try. Hey, anyway we can talk you into letting us through?"

"Yeah, get me some food." The fat man responded.

"JEFF! The kitchen will wheel your lunch when it's ready. We do not order off site." Paulie said, "Sorry, we don't let anyone through. Big top off limits until show time. No exceptions."

"But I'm hungry…" Jeff responded. "Besides, you know I got the iron gut. I can keep anything down."

"Iron gut…great grabbing goblins of green acres! I think I have a plan to get into that big top!"

"Great!" Max said, "What is it?"

"We'll need to go back to the office. Namely, a very specific restaurant in the neighborhood."


	4. Chapter 4

As the DeSoto came down the road back to their office, Sam nearly drove the trio off the road.

"Sam what was that all about?" Geek asked startled by the sudden jerk.

"Sorry, I saw something distracting. Namely that." Sam said pointing at a brass colored parrot flying through the sky with jerky mechanical movements.

"Ah! Shoot it!" Max said pulling his gun and firing a hail of bullets at the flying bird.

"Max stop shooting!" Geek said as the sound of gunfire was accompanied with the sounds of metal being shot.

"Yeah Max, you don't seem to be accomplishing anything." Sam responded.

"I can't help it, it's something flying, I have to kill it!" Max said taking more shots before finally, for once, running out of ammo. "It's still flying! Throw things!" The psychotic rabbit started grabbing a series of random object before accidently grabbing the key won from the carnival at the flying bird, this one seeming to get stuck in a part of the bird.

"Way to go chowder head." Sam said annoyed, "We gotta chase that thing down and get it back!"

"But why? I mean, it's just a key." Geek wondered.

"It was in my inventory. Gotta get it back."

"I didn't understand you guys to much back when, having a harder time now…"

The DeSoto roared back to life and screamed down the highway chasing the flying robot. The chase lead them straight back to the corner of Straight and Narrow. They watched in confusion as it flew into a building with the word "Stinky's" on the window via a small opening above the main door.

"Since when does Stinky have robots?" Sam asked confused.

"Who is Stinky?" Geek asked.

"Oh right, you wouldn't know him." Sam said, "Stinky is a cook for the restaurant right by our office. A crusty old man who channels all his hatred for humanity itself into creating new and unique barely edible culinary dishes that only the toughest of the tough can digest."

"Seriously, when did you start explaining everything like that?" Geek asked.

"I think it was 2006." Max answered bluntly. The three entered the restaurant. Inside they were greeted by a nautical themed restaurant with a gorilla standing behind the counter wearing a captain's hat. Meanwhile the bronze parrot landed on a perch allowing them to get a better look at it. It was a shined bronze with copper trim and painted feathers at the end of wings with a large glass chest filled with what looks like the Demon Broth with a brain floating in it. Meanwhile working the table was a blue haired woman with a fish based apron. And a larger ape came out from the back with a purple harness across him.

"Girl Stinky and Skunk Ape?" Sam asked in shock, "How are you two still alive? Original Max killed you when he self-destructed due to his psychic energy!"

"It's Skun-ka'pe you tiny brained buffoons!" Skun-ka'pe said angrily before going to a complaining whine "Why can't you ever say it right?"

"Okay, now I know you're just explaining things for my benefit." Geek said, "But, who are these two?"

"Ugh, it's Michelle and Samuel." Girl Stinky said. "And what is he doing here? I thought he blew up?"

"Once again I ask who are these two?" Geek asked.

"Oh sorry, that's Girl Stinky, she just showed up one day having taken over this restaurant"

"And did a terrible job at it!" The gorilla with the sailor cap shouted in

"Claiming to be Stinky's Granddaughter. Of course, she's really a cake, I think, not quite sure on that. And that's General Skunk Ape, and alien who came to Earth to attempt to get the Toys of Power. But the strange part is that the old Max sacrificed himself to blow them up with his psychic overload self-destruct."

"Ha! Of course, that fool couldn't have killed them. I protected them!" The parrot suddenly squeaked.

"You only protected us because you tried to protect yourself!"

"So, I raised the shields as a means of self-defense, but your lives still only continue to exist because of my quick action, regardless of the motives."

"So…who's the parrot then?"

"I don't know." Max said, "I feel he's a bit familiar, but I also don't care." Max started to tap at the glass container of the brain inside the parrot.

"STOP DOING THAT!" The parrot literally squawked. "If I still had your body, you would be forced to kneel before me and beg for your life from the great Sammun-Mak!"

"Sammun-Mak! I should have known!"

"Sammun-Mak? He died millennia ago!" Geek said, "Of course why am I bothering being surprised?"

"Yeah his brain was actually still viable when I took it from that jar in the museum." Sam said. "Then I put it in Max's body since his brain was taken. And well it would seem he's still alive."

"That's right I'm still alive!" Sammun-Mak squawked out.

"Alright! Enough talking!" The ape behind the counter said, "And get back to work! I'm still able to whip all of you even in this new body!"

"So Stinky, but the three back to work huh?" Sam asked the other gorilla.

"Okay, explain." Geek said.

"Don't you two dare try." Stinky said, "I'll do that myself! Aye, I am Stinky and this is my restaurant. But the average person is not able to stomach my food. I am a true master of the culinary dark arts. Only the strongest of the strong can digest my cooking."

"That's…that's really weird."

"You get used to it. Mostly." Sam said.

"Anyway, what brings you buffoons and this strange girl to my restaurant? No doubt using us as tools in your latest adventure."

"Pretty much. Look Stinky, I need the worst you can do. The darkest of your Culinary Dark Arts." Sam said.

"Yeah, but make it extra gooey too. I really want to see him like pass out into it and it go all SPLAT!"

"Hm…" The ape said stroking his chin. "You know, I think I know just the thing. But I don't have all the supplies here to make it."

"Well give us the list. If there's one thing we're good at it's collecting rare and specific items."

"Very well. There are three primary items I need. A sludge made from 19-year-old dust, the hairs from the chin of a fat woman, and Devil's Select Private Hot Sause. For flavor." Stinky said as Geek seemed to hold back the vomit.

"That barely sounds like food!" Geek said looking green around the gills.

"yeah that's why the likes of you would be taken out by my creations. As it should be."

"Well don't worry about it Stinky, we'll get everything we need for this creation." Sam said confidently.

"Before we do all that and I blow my guts, how about we check how the Sub-Basement of Solitude?" Geek said. "I mean, if all your adventures are like this, I think I'll be happy to be back there."

"Of course, Geek. Wouldn't be the first time we got sidetracked during an investigation."

Sub-Basement of Solitude…

The team landed in the Sub-Basement of Solitude, Geek's machine largely done in cleaning.

"Wow, that thing works a lot faster than I thought it would." Sam said.

"Yeah, me too. I mean, it's still not done, but it's still making a lot of difference already." Geek said hearing the small machine make a beep. "Oh, hang on, I have to change the vacuum bag."

"Wait, Geek, when was the last time you were down here?"

"April 29, 1998." Geek responded.

"Then that would make that dust…" Sam started counting on his fingers.

"Nineteen years old." Geek said so he could move along with his point.

"Great Granny galloping through gazpacho! Just what we need for Stinky's recipe!"

"Wow talk about dumb luck." Geek said tossing the bag of dust to Sam who tucked it away in his jacket pocket. "What would you do if I didn't have this for you?"

"Doesn't matter, we always get things like this lining up for us." Max said.

"Regardless, this still leaves you two items short." Geek said, "The woman beard hair, and the hot sauce. And I have no idea where we're gonna find those."

"We'll find some way to find them." Sam said.

"That reminds me, I actually had something for you guys from a while ago." Geek said going over to an area of her workshop. She opened a drawer and pulled out a spool with steel cable with a barbed dart at the end. "Made this before I went off to college. Meant to give it to you. Just kind of forgot."

"What exactly is this Geek?"

"A grappling winch. Fire it off from the front of the DeSoto, it latches onto something. Hit reverse, and you can pull most anything down or away from something." Geek explained.

"Thanks Geek." Sam said taking it, stashing it away to install on the car once they got back to street level. "We should probably get going, I'm sure Bosco has that hot sauce we need." And on that note, the trio got back into the elevator and headed back up to the corner of Straight and Narrow.


End file.
